Freedom.

My heart was beating much faster than I was comfortable with.
But isn't that what we're called to?
A life of leadership. Being comfortable would mean complacency, not change.

It was so embarassing to cry in front of my friends and aquaintances.
But isn't humility necessary?
Love requires that you put away pride.

Fear consumed me, until I took the first step...
This Good Friday, Troy spoke on hope again.
I've heard it before, but I allowed fear to take the place of my next step.

Going up was humbling for me. It was me admitting, that after years of trying to do this Christian thing right, I still don't sometimes.

I was baptized by Hal Mayor in January of '97 at the great age of 8.
I've been baptized, I've repented when I "went wrong" and have had different obstacles in my life that I trusted God with, finding peace and hope in Him.

Too bad the Christian walk doesn't end there. lol
What was this uneasiness in my heart about? Why was God so distant at the time I needed Him to reveal to me what the heck was wrong?
I was going through the motions, and for a while I was almost forcing myself to believe God's Word, because that's hard to do when hope is dead.

I was suposed to be alive in Christ, but I didn't even want to wake up to the days He had so graciously given me. I didn't realize until now, that I was spitting on the gift of life.

So what was the big change?
Persistance.

I didn't want to give up on the most genuine thing in my life jut because I didn't feel good at the time, and that made all the difference.
I asked people to pray for me, for God to reveal SOMETHING, ANYTHING.
And just because it's not what I wanted gives me no right to refuse it.

I didn't get a clear answer on what God wants me to do with my life. All I got was a reinforcing of something I already thought I knew.
Whatever you do, do it for the Lord.

Previously, I had failed to take steps for God, and it was still eating me alive.
The devil was winning, telling me that I'm a useless failure.
And I knew! I knew I wasn't, God made me for great things, but I didn't believe it.

I had let God down, and I was so very hard on myself for it.
I was out of my control, my family was out of my control, my workplace and my own schoolwork, my relationships, everything. And I hated it.
No matter how hard I worked, I only grew tired and discouraged.

Do I have all the answers yet?
Oh my dear, of course I don't.
But I'm going to start living life one step at a time, for the hundredth time.

Things won't happen when I want them to. And that's okay.
God's timing, God's plan.

It was a decade since I had been baptized when God called me to obey Him again last year, but I was afraid of what people would think.
No more. Tomorrow morning, I'm getting dunked one more time, because contrary to popular belief, I'm a completely different person now than I was at eight years old.

If I can do this, you can do whatever God is calling you to do.
I know the challenges will only increase.
You pray for me, I'll pray for you, and God will work through all of us.