Death where is your sting? Grave your victory?
Jesus holds the key, forever and ever!!!!
Joy, peace, love, patience, victory! It is ours in Christ Jesus!
Never have I felt so alive!
Who knew that baptism would take me where I thought I'd never be again?
Obedience. That's all it was!
God's plan is so much better than our own.
I'm no failure, God is going to use me.
And I CAN'T WAIT for what's next!
Until then, all things are done for the Lord.
Oh the Joy, Oh the peace, is this Jesus in me.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Freedom.
My heart was beating much faster than I was comfortable with.
But isn't that what we're called to?
A life of leadership. Being comfortable would mean complacency, not change.
It was so embarassing to cry in front of my friends and aquaintances.
But isn't humility necessary?
Love requires that you put away pride.
Fear consumed me, until I took the first step...
This Good Friday, Troy spoke on hope again.
I've heard it before, but I allowed fear to take the place of my next step.
Going up was humbling for me. It was me admitting, that after years of trying to do this Christian thing right, I still don't sometimes.
I was baptized by Hal Mayor in January of '97 at the great age of 8.
I've been baptized, I've repented when I "went wrong" and have had different obstacles in my life that I trusted God with, finding peace and hope in Him.
Too bad the Christian walk doesn't end there. lol
What was this uneasiness in my heart about? Why was God so distant at the time I needed Him to reveal to me what the heck was wrong?
I was going through the motions, and for a while I was almost forcing myself to believe God's Word, because that's hard to do when hope is dead.
I was suposed to be alive in Christ, but I didn't even want to wake up to the days He had so graciously given me. I didn't realize until now, that I was spitting on the gift of life.
So what was the big change?
Persistance.
I didn't want to give up on the most genuine thing in my life jut because I didn't feel good at the time, and that made all the difference.
I asked people to pray for me, for God to reveal SOMETHING, ANYTHING.
And just because it's not what I wanted gives me no right to refuse it.
I didn't get a clear answer on what God wants me to do with my life. All I got was a reinforcing of something I already thought I knew.
Whatever you do, do it for the Lord.
Previously, I had failed to take steps for God, and it was still eating me alive.
The devil was winning, telling me that I'm a useless failure.
And I knew! I knew I wasn't, God made me for great things, but I didn't believe it.
I had let God down, and I was so very hard on myself for it.
I was out of my control, my family was out of my control, my workplace and my own schoolwork, my relationships, everything. And I hated it.
No matter how hard I worked, I only grew tired and discouraged.
Do I have all the answers yet?
Oh my dear, of course I don't.
But I'm going to start living life one step at a time, for the hundredth time.
Things won't happen when I want them to. And that's okay.
God's timing, God's plan.
It was a decade since I had been baptized when God called me to obey Him again last year, but I was afraid of what people would think.
No more. Tomorrow morning, I'm getting dunked one more time, because contrary to popular belief, I'm a completely different person now than I was at eight years old.
If I can do this, you can do whatever God is calling you to do.
I know the challenges will only increase.
You pray for me, I'll pray for you, and God will work through all of us.
But isn't that what we're called to?
A life of leadership. Being comfortable would mean complacency, not change.
It was so embarassing to cry in front of my friends and aquaintances.
But isn't humility necessary?
Love requires that you put away pride.
Fear consumed me, until I took the first step...
This Good Friday, Troy spoke on hope again.
I've heard it before, but I allowed fear to take the place of my next step.
Going up was humbling for me. It was me admitting, that after years of trying to do this Christian thing right, I still don't sometimes.
I was baptized by Hal Mayor in January of '97 at the great age of 8.
I've been baptized, I've repented when I "went wrong" and have had different obstacles in my life that I trusted God with, finding peace and hope in Him.
Too bad the Christian walk doesn't end there. lol
What was this uneasiness in my heart about? Why was God so distant at the time I needed Him to reveal to me what the heck was wrong?
I was going through the motions, and for a while I was almost forcing myself to believe God's Word, because that's hard to do when hope is dead.
I was suposed to be alive in Christ, but I didn't even want to wake up to the days He had so graciously given me. I didn't realize until now, that I was spitting on the gift of life.
So what was the big change?
Persistance.
I didn't want to give up on the most genuine thing in my life jut because I didn't feel good at the time, and that made all the difference.
I asked people to pray for me, for God to reveal SOMETHING, ANYTHING.
And just because it's not what I wanted gives me no right to refuse it.
I didn't get a clear answer on what God wants me to do with my life. All I got was a reinforcing of something I already thought I knew.
Whatever you do, do it for the Lord.
Previously, I had failed to take steps for God, and it was still eating me alive.
The devil was winning, telling me that I'm a useless failure.
And I knew! I knew I wasn't, God made me for great things, but I didn't believe it.
I had let God down, and I was so very hard on myself for it.
I was out of my control, my family was out of my control, my workplace and my own schoolwork, my relationships, everything. And I hated it.
No matter how hard I worked, I only grew tired and discouraged.
Do I have all the answers yet?
Oh my dear, of course I don't.
But I'm going to start living life one step at a time, for the hundredth time.
Things won't happen when I want them to. And that's okay.
God's timing, God's plan.
It was a decade since I had been baptized when God called me to obey Him again last year, but I was afraid of what people would think.
No more. Tomorrow morning, I'm getting dunked one more time, because contrary to popular belief, I'm a completely different person now than I was at eight years old.
If I can do this, you can do whatever God is calling you to do.
I know the challenges will only increase.
You pray for me, I'll pray for you, and God will work through all of us.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Reality
What is reality?
Dictionaries define it- the state or quality of being real, resemblance to what is real, a real thing or fact.
Philosophy describes it as something that exists independently of ideas concerning it, something that constitutes a real or actual thing, as distinguished from something that is merely apparent.
For one person, reality can be poverty, another, wealth.
So one could say, there is no reality that all persons share, but it is simply perception of the life we've been handed.
For some, there is a fine line between reality and negativity because of this.
I believe in God's reality, where nothing is impossible. Because in my reality, a healthy relationship centered around Christ is impossible. Changing my attitude and discipline habits is impossible. And forget about changing the world.
Oh, but in God's reality, all these things and more are just waiting for me.
All I've got to do is wake up everyday and choose to believe God's reality instead of my own.
Trust God's leadership instead of my own, and I must say, the most difficult, to let go of what God does not want me to control.
Dictionaries define it- the state or quality of being real, resemblance to what is real, a real thing or fact.
Philosophy describes it as something that exists independently of ideas concerning it, something that constitutes a real or actual thing, as distinguished from something that is merely apparent.
For one person, reality can be poverty, another, wealth.
So one could say, there is no reality that all persons share, but it is simply perception of the life we've been handed.
For some, there is a fine line between reality and negativity because of this.
I believe in God's reality, where nothing is impossible. Because in my reality, a healthy relationship centered around Christ is impossible. Changing my attitude and discipline habits is impossible. And forget about changing the world.
Oh, but in God's reality, all these things and more are just waiting for me.
All I've got to do is wake up everyday and choose to believe God's reality instead of my own.
Trust God's leadership instead of my own, and I must say, the most difficult, to let go of what God does not want me to control.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
For God's Glory
All I seem to hear lately are complaints about how Flamingo Road Church is not doing everything right. Things are too extreme and we're not glorifying God.
My rebuttal is this:
1. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it won't work for someone else.
2. If we do screw up, no one is perfect.
3. Humans make mistakes and yes, even church leaders are human as well.
4. God hates negativity just as much as you hate whatever we might do wrong.
5. God can use ALL things for His glory.
I've been at this church for 15 years. Even though I was young, I've been old enough to understand the changes that were taking place. Depending upon opinion, some good, some bad.
Depending upon opinion.
In my opinion, the church is doing plenty of good. Do I disagree with a few things?
Sure, every once in a while, but voicing them when I have no plan of action is simply negative and ultimately what tears a church apart.
As a whole, when I think of Flamingo Road, I think of a church with a vision who takes extreme measures to spread the Word of God. In that, things can go wrong, but as a whole, this church is my home. When the little things bother me, I pray that God will bring peace to my soul.
If you try that, and you still can't stand the way we're doing things, that's perfectly okay. Join a church you feel comfortable in, but don't bash something that God can and will use for His glory.
Don't let the devil use you in bringing down something God can use.
The pharisees of Jesus' time made impossible rules to keep in order to be "holy". At the time, it wasn't so very religiously popular to go against the grain of those rules. People were beaten and killed for disobeying them, but Jesus brought revolution. Rebellion, leadership,
forgiveness.
Just because it isn't popular, doesn't mean it can't be used by God.
Just think about it.
My rebuttal is this:
1. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it won't work for someone else.
2. If we do screw up, no one is perfect.
3. Humans make mistakes and yes, even church leaders are human as well.
4. God hates negativity just as much as you hate whatever we might do wrong.
5. God can use ALL things for His glory.
I've been at this church for 15 years. Even though I was young, I've been old enough to understand the changes that were taking place. Depending upon opinion, some good, some bad.
Depending upon opinion.
In my opinion, the church is doing plenty of good. Do I disagree with a few things?
Sure, every once in a while, but voicing them when I have no plan of action is simply negative and ultimately what tears a church apart.
As a whole, when I think of Flamingo Road, I think of a church with a vision who takes extreme measures to spread the Word of God. In that, things can go wrong, but as a whole, this church is my home. When the little things bother me, I pray that God will bring peace to my soul.
If you try that, and you still can't stand the way we're doing things, that's perfectly okay. Join a church you feel comfortable in, but don't bash something that God can and will use for His glory.
Don't let the devil use you in bringing down something God can use.
The pharisees of Jesus' time made impossible rules to keep in order to be "holy". At the time, it wasn't so very religiously popular to go against the grain of those rules. People were beaten and killed for disobeying them, but Jesus brought revolution. Rebellion, leadership,
forgiveness.
Just because it isn't popular, doesn't mean it can't be used by God.
Just think about it.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Have a freakin cry fest why dontcha?
This weekend has been the most emotional weekend I've had in a while.
It could have been hormonal, but I really did think about a lot.
Friends. Most of all my friend who's been going through what is unimaginable to me.
She's so strong. I cry for her.
Family. Most of all my immediate family, what will happen for us in the future.
Sometimes I loose hope, but I cry out for peace.
Myself. I didn't know how many issues I carried in my heart. I disguised my fear with what I thought was a different purpose for my life.
I love Lauren and all the girls I meet with Sunday, really, you've helped me more than you know.
God reveals things to us in intervals.
We deal with different things at different times according to God's plan.
This weekend however, oh, how I learned about peace.
Everyone says it, "This peace in Christ that I've found!"
And sure, I've had God moments that can be explained as peaceful, but in realization that it can truly be well with your soul is unexplainable.
Love is patient, God proves this with how rediculously patient He is with me.
How many times have I failed and then complained about the same thing?
How long did it take me to finally understand waht God was trying to tell me?
Ah, patience.
I love how God puts people in our lives to help us with all we need.
Now that I know what I need to do, I have a new hope in the fact that God is there.
My friends are there, my family is there, and often I get those two confused by how close my church family is. lol
I'm actually excited to submit my whole world to God tomorrow.
I'm waking up and embracing my morning with a work out of worship =D
God didn't only give us new years, months and weeks to refocus, everyday is a brand new day.
And oh, I can't wait for the morning.
It could have been hormonal, but I really did think about a lot.
Friends. Most of all my friend who's been going through what is unimaginable to me.
She's so strong. I cry for her.
Family. Most of all my immediate family, what will happen for us in the future.
Sometimes I loose hope, but I cry out for peace.
Myself. I didn't know how many issues I carried in my heart. I disguised my fear with what I thought was a different purpose for my life.
I love Lauren and all the girls I meet with Sunday, really, you've helped me more than you know.
God reveals things to us in intervals.
We deal with different things at different times according to God's plan.
This weekend however, oh, how I learned about peace.
Everyone says it, "This peace in Christ that I've found!"
And sure, I've had God moments that can be explained as peaceful, but in realization that it can truly be well with your soul is unexplainable.
Love is patient, God proves this with how rediculously patient He is with me.
How many times have I failed and then complained about the same thing?
How long did it take me to finally understand waht God was trying to tell me?
Ah, patience.
I love how God puts people in our lives to help us with all we need.
Now that I know what I need to do, I have a new hope in the fact that God is there.
My friends are there, my family is there, and often I get those two confused by how close my church family is. lol
I'm actually excited to submit my whole world to God tomorrow.
I'm waking up and embracing my morning with a work out of worship =D
God didn't only give us new years, months and weeks to refocus, everyday is a brand new day.
And oh, I can't wait for the morning.
Friday, February 1, 2008
You asked for it...
Since I don't have much to write about lately and/or I don't have much time to write about anything, I haven't much been on blogger.com to do just that.
BUT, and that's a big butt... [HAHA punny.]
I have had blogs on myspace that I particularly liked, so I picked seven to highlight all that I accomplished/had an epiphany about last year. And here they are...
Okay, so a couple of them were strange. But that's my last year of blog-life in a nutshell.
If you still crave some more of me, I'll be writing just as soon as something interesting happens, I promise. =D
Love you all!
(Yes, even you.)
BUT, and that's a big butt... [HAHA punny.]
I have had blogs on myspace that I particularly liked, so I picked seven to highlight all that I accomplished/had an epiphany about last year. And here they are...
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
 | So I can't save the world... Prayer. Sometimes it is the only thing that keeps this heart beating with purpose - with some kind of hope. Sometimes I feel it does nothing. I pray for everyone I know that I see falling, even myself. Especially my family and close friends. I see pain, and no solution. I've heard stories of people waiting a numerous amount of years for their prayers to be answered - but after waiting that long, doesn't it become coincidence that what they wanted to happen came about? It's just like the Big Bang Theory I guess. Everything on this earth is so intricately and delicately put together, right down to human anatomy - but it was just coincidence. A random explosion put us all together here and it worked out perfectly that we formed into the human beings we are today. It was coincidence - chance. I'm going to go with something that makes more sense. God makes more sense. I'll wait for my prayers to be answered, even though God chooses not to control an individuals choice (hence the messed up world) I'll wait, and pray without ceasing. Even if I have to wait 30 years, I will continue to pray for those I care deeply about. I'm going to hold on to this last shred of hope, and I choose not to let my faith - who I am in Christ - break. I have a feeling I won't be let down too harshly. |
Friday, June 15, 2007
| PERU '07 It's a glimpse at what matters most. |
Sunday, September 09, 2007
| ah. I'm tired of myself. I want to be replaced. Ihatethikingaboutyou. But mostly Ihatemissingyou. I hate my past that keeps affecting my present. And my present that keeps me from my future. I still don't understand myself one bit. And I don't believe I'm getting any closer. God help me, literally. lol He normally gets me on my way. Slowly but surely, I'll go back to who I loved myself being. Who I was in summer of 06. |
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
| swings I felt like a child again. I do every time I reunite myself with my childhood playground favorite - the swing. But this was different. I went to that place he took me. I almost tried to contact him and ask him where it was, but decided to actually give him space this time. It's a miracle I found it by myself. I remember nothing... except for the meaningful apparently. I found myself there, praying, swinging, breathing, praying. A few times, I felt a presence so real I had to open my eyes. I wished he'd drive up. Of course he didn't. He was still in school. It's best he didn't anyway, but I still wished he did. As I swung and prayed, I felt a release and a new freedom. I could have stayed there for hours. The smell of freshly cut grass, the sun warm on my face, the wind blowing through my hair. Peace. Sure, I still miss him. If I didn't, I'm not sure what led me to that spot. But in going back, I found a little bit of me again. Right now, I listen to "Everything" by lifehouse. And it's this music that goes perfectly with my time on the swing. "You calm the storms, and you give me breath. You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall. You steal my heart and you take my breath away. Would you take me in? Take me deeper now." "...How could it be any better than this?" '"Cause youre all I want! You're all I need! You're everything! Everything!! Music playing, I'll raise my hands, I'll scream it out, I've lived the play. God Is Amazing. |
Monday, October 29, 2007
| Oh, how God has blessed me. Today I was blessed with the opportunity to help a strong woman, who in need, humbled herself before her family. We finished putting the supplies into the back of her van without a tear shed, and then we hugged. There is just something about the human touch. The act of giving is great, but with a hug, we pronounce compassion - love and care that brings forth action. My family has been blessed with all we need so that we can have the blessing of helping others when they are in need. I just hope that hearing of this can stir others to action. I strongly believe that with faith in prayer and good deeds, |
Monday, November 26, 2007
| Angry. What to do when all you hear is negative? I had always strruggled with following what God wants, that's why I never took a leadership position before. The one thing I hear from almost EVERYONE I invited to church at one point or another is that they don't feel like dealing with hypocrites. If you, a person who chose to have a higher position in the church of all things, don't lead by example - you're sending people to hell. Yes, you're human, and you believe Jesus died for your sins. If you cared one bit about anyone but yourself, you'd either step down from your position or you'd make things right. There is a HUGE difference between living for God yet being human and occasionally screwing things up, and living for yourself in ignorance. You know the difference, I know the difference, but most important - and I can't stress this enough - the unsaved notice the difference. By all means, live for yourself. God will find someone to carry out His will if you don't help. But don't be on the enemy's side in bringing the Christian image down to the cliche of hypocracy. Now is a time to change people's perception of us. No kidding, I'm not perfect, but at least I'm realizing my flaws and relying on God to help me overcome them. So much of this life is a choice. |
annoyed Tuesday, December 11, 2007
| Can I just stop to breathe? Ever just have one of those weeks? Busy, hectic, but most of all spiritually draining. Despite my ignorance of time-management and fitting God in, He used me. There was nothing like the look on their faces. Sure, it's the holiday season, but I hope with all my heart that this mood doesn't dissapear when the ball drops. I only hope to get closer to the one who so willingly uses me when I offer to. I can't wait till Passion. Finals tomorrow and Thursday, then I'm done. Ugh, there's so much on my mind it's sick. I expect no one to understand this completely. Instead of worrying, pray. I'm gonna go do that. |
thirsty Okay, so a couple of them were strange. But that's my last year of blog-life in a nutshell.
If you still crave some more of me, I'll be writing just as soon as something interesting happens, I promise. =D
Love you all!
(Yes, even you.)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Believe
So winter jam was pretty much, how the kids say, "off the hook!"
I don't know why I'm weird.
Anywho, I'm pretty much stoked for passion. It's going to be winter jam times a million. And that's like- a lot. lol
The only problem with me lately though, is that I'm very maliable and open to new ideas, etc. So since my religion teacher was teling us to look at everything intellectually, I did at winter jam.
I noticed how the guy speaking was pushy when asking for donations, I realized how easily influenced the crowd was, and then I noticed I wasn't enjoying myself as much as I should have been. Sitting next to me you'd never know this, because when skillet came on I acted like a maniac, but on the inside I really was thinking. lol
But on the other side of things, I noticed that I only paid ten bucks for a show that'd normally cost 60, and the donations were going to the next ten dollar show they MIGHT have down here if they raise enough.
There are a number of different sides to everything, and as humans, we obviously need to keep thinking intellectually so that we don't fall into random cults, or even follow the church mindlessly. We need to think about what we're doing, yes, but God also created (and I believe God created because everything is so intricately and perfectly put together on this earth that there's no way it was a random crash) anyway, God created our minds, yes, but He also created our hearts and souls. The parts of us that feel if we let them. The parts of us that take in a sunrise and feel the music booming to the beat of our soul.
Oh yes, think intellectually because there is an evil force in the world, but don't you dare stop believing what your heart knows to be true.
I don't know why I'm weird.
Anywho, I'm pretty much stoked for passion. It's going to be winter jam times a million. And that's like- a lot. lol
The only problem with me lately though, is that I'm very maliable and open to new ideas, etc. So since my religion teacher was teling us to look at everything intellectually, I did at winter jam.
I noticed how the guy speaking was pushy when asking for donations, I realized how easily influenced the crowd was, and then I noticed I wasn't enjoying myself as much as I should have been. Sitting next to me you'd never know this, because when skillet came on I acted like a maniac, but on the inside I really was thinking. lol
But on the other side of things, I noticed that I only paid ten bucks for a show that'd normally cost 60, and the donations were going to the next ten dollar show they MIGHT have down here if they raise enough.
There are a number of different sides to everything, and as humans, we obviously need to keep thinking intellectually so that we don't fall into random cults, or even follow the church mindlessly. We need to think about what we're doing, yes, but God also created (and I believe God created because everything is so intricately and perfectly put together on this earth that there's no way it was a random crash) anyway, God created our minds, yes, but He also created our hearts and souls. The parts of us that feel if we let them. The parts of us that take in a sunrise and feel the music booming to the beat of our soul.
Oh yes, think intellectually because there is an evil force in the world, but don't you dare stop believing what your heart knows to be true.
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